Have you ever been in one of those situations where you argue with another person only to walk away grumbling to yourself about why that person is wrong? To the point where you begin attaching irrelevant, negatively perceived issues related to that person to the issue at hand? To the point where you begin picking apart certain aspects of that person’s life or personality which have zero pertinence to the theme of the current argument?
Of course you have. We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt the need to “take the last stab,” to end an argument by having the “last word” “knowing” that we’re the “victors”—even if our “opponent” is neither unaware of what we are saying nor has any opportunity for rebuttal.
But is this stab, this word, really the last?
Chances are that our parting grumbles are not the last. They can’t be, because grumbling doesn’t heal anything. It’s like trying to claim that you’re cleaning up the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico with “Corexit”.
Think about it: When was the last time you bitched to yourself or to another about something you didn’t like and out of that whimpering rose a peace-inducing solution?
Erring on the side of possibility, the chance of such a thing happening is around one in infinity. The reason being is that by complaining and making up wild stories about “what happened” we are actually keeping ourselves attached to the very thing we think we’re going to end by adamantly rebuking the other’s position and “validating” our own. It’s for this very reason that our last word isn’t really the last, but, well, God only knows how long we plan to continue our tirade—even if the negativity disperses and sinks deep down into subconscious memory.
As long as we keep feeding our energy to the pain effected by an experience, the stabbing must continue, the argument will never end. It’s the way the life works.
What we resist, persists, as the saying goes. If we don’t want something to persist, we have to take away any energy we are supporting it with. Like the release of dammed water, we have to drop our defenses so that whatever is trying to pass through our experience may do so freely.
We remove our supportive energy by refusing to focus our negatively-angled attention on it. We let the experience arise; we see it, feel it, and acknowledge it; and we let it go.
And if it wasn’t yet obvious, have you noted who’s stabbing who?
We’re stabbing ourselves! Mental and emotional hari-kari! Our “opponent” exists only within the mind. We actually become heated over our own distaste to our own mental self-immolation. This drives us to become all the more angry at those whom we believe had caused us trouble. This then causes us to get even more agitated. It’s one vicious cycle; one where we play all four roles of offender, defender, judge, and executioner.
So, you’ve gained another bit of awareness today. The next time you get into an argument with someone, use it to your advantage.
What’s going on here?
A suppressed emotion and past memory (one I may not remember in this moment) is being stirred up.
What do I do about it?
Even though I’m unaware of specifics, because experience is inherently neutral yet I’m now feeling hurt, it must be that there is something unintegrated residing within me. There is no need for me to grumble about this. Grumbling is energy fodder for the very problem I claim not to want. The negative emotion I am now feeling is my key to freedom. Therefore, I choose to feel that emotion. I allow it to rise fully and pass through me. Never to return. I accept this situation and all it entails—exactly as it is—because, like it or not, it’s exactly what is happening in this moment.
I feel. I accept. I release.
…And I know. I’ve been there…
Oh, but, John. That’s so much to think about. I’ll never remember all that in the heat of the moment.
With love, please tell your ego to stuff it.
Read what I’ve said a few times. Let it settle in for a few days, a few weeks or months. Hold your intent to heal, and I’m sure you will hear just what I’m telling you now, albeit in a different way, over and over again. You will get it. It may take a while. Hang in there.
If an adverse situation occurs and you find that you’ve “failed,” get on your knees and praise the Most High! Congratulate yourself for becoming conscious of it. You’ve experientially recognized that you have a choice in the matter. You’re more self-aware than 90 percent of mankind. The ability to make such conscious realizations is a Godsend.
Old habits often die hard. Yet, when you catch yourself, as the emotion is slamming you like a freight train, every word you’ve read and heard will fall into place—in an instant:
It can be hard, yes. It will take time to grasp, yes.
But what could be simpler? What could be more obvious?